The Morning After

These top 25er mini bio things are all the rage on Facebook right now.  Here is mine.

01) I love Greek food.  If an evil genie said, “for the rest of time you will only be allowed to eat the same meal everyday, what meal will it be?”  I would say Greek… and I wouldn’t consider him an evil genie.

02) This one is new (to me anyway).  Apparently I fart in my sleep.  The night after the Super Bowl, Coral woke me up because I was stinking up the bedroom.  I personally think, Coral dreams of farts.  Why didn’t she include THAT in her 25?

03) I got bullied a bunch in Grade 8 by two different dudes.  One was this giant fat guy named… Jeremy, neat huh.  And he used to rail on me about my weight… like WTF right?  So I peaced that scene and hung out in the tech lab with the other nerds where I deserved to be.  But then this alpha nerd that wore real boss 80s John Cougar Mellancampesque Jean jackets took a hate on for me and he’d always try to kick my ass.  I did what any self respecting nerd would do and told on the guy.  But that backfired pretty harsh and I got my ass kicked twice as hard.  That solved the me hanging out in the tech lab issue and I learned a valuable lesson… the “man” can not save you from dudes trapped in the 80s.  Only Doc Brown can.

04) When not actively locking horns with my day I live in either: a song or: a fantasy world.

05) You ever see that movie “Role Models?”  And the McLovin guy is into medieval sword fighting in the park… yeah.

06) One time on a camping trip to some lake by Quesnel, me and my brothers created an entire fantasy world out of sand and mud and twigs and garbage and stuff.  One of the towns was called Mudtown.  In Mudtown there was a baseball stadium and the local team was called the Mudtown Seekers.  I have always wanted to visit there and catch a game.

07) Speaking of baseball… when I was a kid, I used to follow baseball, like… a lot, a lot.  Now I don’t at all.  Its like the Expos had the World series snatched away because of some bullshit players strike, then the team moved and I stopped caring about baseball.  I still have my baseball jerseys and I like looking at them.

08 ) I think a girl that wears a baseball jersey is pretty cute.

09) I worked at Starbucks for a long time.  I like that place.  People bash that company non-stop.  I used to care, but now I don’t (but I still do).

10) About the time I stopped caring about baseball I was hanging out with these girls.  One of the girls had a bit of a drug problem and a bit of a have sex with boys to get drugs problem.  I wish I had been a better friend to her.

11) I work too much… but I also don’t work hard enough.  And I spend most my day paralyzed.

12) When I got a job at the Zone, I planned to stay in Victoria for two years.

13) I used to deliver Discorder magazine to Seattle every month.  I got paid $100 which at the time equaled about $65 US dollars.  $20 had to go in the tank of my Dodge Colt.  The rest I spent on a taco in Bellingham on the way down the I5 and the remainder on dinner in a different restaurant every time I went to Seattle.  On the way down I would listen to Seattle radio stations.  I wandered around Seattle with a few bucks in my pocket dropping off magazines at all these hipster joints till it got late and drove home that evening.  I have had a LOT of jobs in my day, and that was my favourite.

14) My favourite holiday was a trip Coral I took to Seattle.  Coral was pregnant, so there was not much in the way of crazy sex or massive nights partying.  Just hanging out all day together, wandering around, seeing bands, shopping, eating and holding hands.

15) My favourite “business” trip was the time James and I got to see Tool in Seattle.  The “winners” we escorted were two very underwhelming people and I sometimes found it hard to not laugh when James was so passive aggressively cordial to them.  We drank on a patio on 2nd avenue in the sun and James made friends with these locals and for two hours we were all the best of buds… then we left.  We sat front row at the Paramount to see Tool and the next morning we got to charge our breakfast to the radio station!  Then we booked it to the Lake Union to get on a Harbour Seaplane to FLY home…  and I was like, whoa… this must be how rock stars live.

16) It makes me want to light a giraffe on fire when people comment on Madelyn’s physical attributes in a judgmental way.  She’s a baby.  One day she’ll give herself a hard enough time about her appearance and spend all my money on superficial shit… but right now… she has four teeth and not much hair, and that’s fine.  I am sure in a year, she’ll have hair and maybe one day teeth… but half the Canucks don’t have teeth and they’re all millionaires… so teeth don’t = success.

and people ask me all the time, “hey Jeremy, how is being a Dad?”

I don’t know… fine I guess.  Like I’d recommend having a kid before buying Sirius XM stock…

I want to say “easy and fun”… but people tell me it should be neither… then I feel guilty… cuz right now, it is.

17) Madelyn is sorta named after Madeleine Stowe.  I saw the movie, “The Last of the Mohicans” when I was a younger lad and thought the name Madeleine was such a pretty and unique name (which maybe it was in 1992).  But now Madelyn is like the 59th most popular name in the US of A… so yeah.  I should watch more movies… expand my horizons.

Coral says it is “my name” so she gets o name the next one.  I was like cool… so she picked Ophelia if we have a girl.  I love it… I said, “rad, I am going to all her Ophie!”

I think Coral is dreaming up a new girl’s name.

18 ) I hate when people complain about music.  If you start a sentence with me that begins with, “I hate that (or this) song,” then I am sad.  I am far more interested in which song(s) you love.

19) I used to really dig Nickelback.  When I was younger me and my friends would drive to wherever they were playing to see them.  onetime they were playing at a race track in Surrey and it was a 19+ show.  We all drove out and tried to walk in like we were 19 but alas the “man” caught up to us and started to kick us out.  I out up his big stink about how we should be allowed to stay because we were all such huge fans and drove all the way from Coquitlam to see Nickelback… the man turfing us didn’t seem to impressed and then… Chad Kroeger walks by.  So I say, “Hey Chad, get over here (that’s how it was back in the day, we were first name buds!);” I says, “Hey Chad, this guy is trying to kick us out, you won’t let that happen cuz you stand up for fans right?”

He said, “sorry guys, but if the man says you have to leave, you have to leave.”  And he shrugged and walked away… no hug or anything.  And I was like… fuck you man.

But I forgave.

And Nickelback played this show up at Grouse Mountain for Canada Day.  Once again, the Triber and I journey to see the great maned one.  I crawled that grind to the top.  Stood in line for my burger and muscled up to the front to bang some head to Nickelback’s glorious Cancon rock!  ROAR!

After the set my nationalism was on overdrive and me and my friends started yelling to Chad to sing “O Canada.”  Chad started coiling up his mic chords and said he wouldn’t sing it.  We kept pestering him and he finally snapped and said he wouldn’t play it but here is bloody mic, sing it yourself.

Wow, I couldn’t believe my luck, Chad invited us on stage to lead the pack in a stirring rendition of our National anthem.  We all scamper on stage and grab the mic and begin to sing and….  the fucker cut the power!  WTF?  Chad Kroeger hates Canada.

Defeated I slinked away.

20) I have been suspended from broadcasting only a handful of times.  One time on CiTR I referred to Italians as “greasy.”  Bad.  That cost me a week at CiTR.

Another time I yelled (or said… I can’t remember… I was mighty drunk) fuck into the mic at the BCIT’s radio station.  That got me suspended for a week too.  Many people think I got kicked out of BCIT for that stunt.  That is untrue.  i got suspended for a week from classes and banished from the airwaves of CFML.  But I finished the semester.  At the beginning of forth semester I was strongly encouraged by a staff member to drop out, so I did.

It all worked out for the best b/c I am mighty happy with my life… and had I finished BCIT back in what??? 2001 instead of 2003?  Who knows how hings would have turned out?  Madelyn would not be my daughter and I would have never delivered papers for Discorder… so those are two things right there.

21) Anyways… I am a big believer in fate.  Everything happens for a reason.  Choices made today have profound influences on the future.  So I try not to sweat the little things.

22) When I grow up, I am going to have a room that has the sole purpose of being a listening lounge.  There will be two chairs (one for me and one for Coral) and these two comfy chairs will face out towards a window.  On each side of the chairs there will be a table to set down my cocktail and/or bong, book and whatnots.  Between the two chairs will be the controls to my listening devices and they will be there.  Reel-to-reel tapes?  you bettcha!  There will be a rug and groovy lights and incense.  Then racks of computers, records, CDs, music shit… recording gear and whatever.  And I’ll live in my lair and make radio shows and listen to music and hangout and read a trillion billion books.  Then one day I’ll die and I’ll be hanging out in heaven and the  evil genie will be all, “hey man, how was a lifetime of Greek food?”  and I’ll say, “pretty good.”

23) I want to create something that people truly love (if I get paid for it… well now that would be special).  I also want to make a cartoon… so maybe I’ll make a really lovable Disney character??? I dunno.

24)  I try not to have too many regrets… but I kinda wished I went to University instead of BCIT.  I hung out at UBC for 5 years?  Can I get a degree in being a music snob and drinking?

25)  My second favourite thing to do is wander around cities by myself.  My favourite thing to do is wander around cities with Coral (and now with Coral and Madelyn).