The Morning After

Back to work after a savage weekend of the sick.

To think, if this was the 1900s… they would have have just left me for dead.  They’d say, “Oh the war didn’t get him?  He wasn’t carried away by werewolves?  And he’s 31!  Well he lived a life longer than any man has a right to.”

God bless modern medicine.

I did venture outside yesterday for the first time in a couple days to take Madelyn for a bike ride.  We bought her this little bike in February but I haven’t really had a chance to take her out.  I feel so like the Dad from a Harry Chapin song.

She must be riding it out at Nana’s because she was a bit of a wizard on the thing.  We went around the track by our condo twice.  But in the end, the call of swings and slides were too much.  She bailed on the bike to be pushed in a swing.

Today is my first day back to work and already filled with stress.  Lame.  My Jeep died so I had t take that to the shop.  Likely $200 if its a minor repair or covered under warranty and cost to me will be $0 if its major.  So I hope its major?  Seems weird, but thus is the modern car industrial complex.

I get to the Zone and see I have a missed call from HSBC.  I get calls from them all the time.  Drives me nuts.  I already have a term loan with them and haven’t missed a payment so I always wonder what there is to talk about… yet every month… like my own private period.

Now I get it, if I walk into a bank with my hand out, I am going to get a serious helping of rejection. That’s not lost on me.  So I stopped doing it.

But I guess the banks missed me, because every month, HSBC calls me.  Then they pull up my file and reject me.  Thank you HSBC for the reminder I am failing at capitalism.

Today’s call was a bit of an extra dagger.

HSBC: “Hello Mr. Baker, I am going through your file and see you have a loan with us.”

Me: “yes”

HSBC: “Wow, it is a really terrible loan.  a bagillion percent interest rate. Is that a real number?  I am embarrassed we even offered it.  We’re worse than the worst loan sharks.  Really, this should be illegal.  We straight up took advantage of your need/ignorance.”

Me: “You did. Its fine, I’ll deal.. its a term, it’ll end in my lifetime.  thank you for calling to tell me I’m a retard.  I don’t get that enough in my life at home or at work.”

HSBC: “Well I’m calling to tell you we can do better to get that rate down.”

Me: “Fuck eh! then do it.”

HSBC: “OK, well let me punch up your file.”

Me: “you just said you reviewed my file.”

HSBC: “Are you a home owner?”

Me: “oh god.”

HSBC: “I’m sorry sir, you’re still poor and can’t take your business elsewhere.  There just isn’t enough equity in your home yet for us to stop fisting your anus.  But you know, you can call us in like a year or if you win the lottery and then maybe we can take your winnings or swindle you out of your house then.”

Me: “Why would I phone you when your auto-dialer will just waste my life force next month with another bullshit call?”

HSBC: “OK have a nice day, thank you for using HSBC.”

Me: “Fuck me.”

The National – “Bloodbuzz Ohio”

Download >> The National – Bloodbuzz Ohio

go with yourself.